My Sketchbook, my Life

inspiration

I {heart} music.

 

I have loved it since I was a little girl.  I remember sitting at our piano probably when I was about preschool age, making up songs and singing to them.  I remember my mom asking me "where did you learn that song"  and proudly in my mind it was my masterpiece.  {shorty after this I believe I started piano lessons} 

I have been thinking about the piano lately.  A very untelevised thing about me, was I played piano really well.  No, I mean, ReallY well.  Now I am definitley not tooting my horn, because, you see, after the 11 years of study and practice, and dedication it took to get that way.  I gave it up.  And to sit down at a piano now after all these years of not playing, it is soooooo frustrating not to be able to play hardly anything at all.  Because I remember how I use to be able to play, and to see how much I have digressed- it is shameful.  I was telling Mr.S the other night, that this is one of my biggest regrets in life.

I have been thinking alot about the talents we are given from our Heavenly Father, and how sometimes we just toss carelessly aside the gifts we are given.  I feel saddened now, and I do see how what we are given, can be taken away.  It remindes me of this quote by Elder Packer:

"Whence comes this gift?  And gift it is.  You may have cultivated it and developed it, but it was given to you.  Most of us do not have it.  You were not more deserving than we, but you are a good deal more responsible.  If you use your gift properly, opportunities for sevice are opened that will be beneficial eternally for you and for others."

{I am working to reclaim this gift.}

 

okay that went to a slight tangent but here is where that was coming from

I have been listening to this song on a huge dose of repeat the last few days.  Ever do that?  Fall in love with a song all over again... I am learning to play it on the piano. 

Beatles:

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

 

Well to me music is a source of inspiration - and this week it help me create these.  (they will be in my esty shop soon!

 

filled...

like millions of mormons around the world I watched General Conference this weekend.  I love this weekend, I anxiously wait for it every 6 months.  I love to be filled, and renewed- I love to hear the teachings and the testimonies of the leaders of the church.   This weekend being no exception.  I have my favorites for sure, but there is one that I listened to and has not left my mind.  And for anyone else that listened or watched Elder Holland's talk, I am sure you feel the same way.  I can not imagine anyone watching it and not feeling the strength and truth in his words. 

If you missed it, you should watch it.  It will always be a favorite of mine:

{to watch it: click on the link below, then click on Sunday PM session, then click on Elder Jeffrey R. Holland} 

http://www.lds.org/move/index.html?type=conference&event=Oct179&lang=english

or if you just want to listen to it  click here for the audio:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Another of my most favorites was on Saturday- Elder Hales

Here is the link to his audio

journal entry, tuesday...

Patience is a virtue... a virtue that I do not do very well at.  I think of Heavenly Father, and the perfect patience that He has, that He is able to work with me & help me when I lack the patience myself.  I see how the little trials of daily life are little chances everyday to try to develop this celestial virtue- this quality that escapes me so frequently. 

Even more than the daily life- the heavier trials I am, and have been going through in my life- how they have changed me into who I am today... but still I see how much patience is going to be needed to fully endure them.  Elder Maxwell said "Part of enduring well consists of being meek enough, amid our suffering, to learn from our relevant experiences.  Rather than simply passing through these things, they must pass through us and do so in ways which sanctify these experiences for our good."

I read this and I look at my life right now and I see really how much patience is the key in order to succeed- to endure well.  If there is ever a time that has tried and tested my patience beyond what I think I can do- it is now.  So I pray every night that Heavenly Father will help me learn how to more fully develop this gift of patience.... this quality that has for so long eluded me.  And then I had this experience one night as I prayed:

Me:  Father, please help me to hurry and learn patience.....

silence......realization what I had just asked......

silence.....humility.....

understanding.... 

I stopped- realizing what I had just said... and if there was ever a time when I have felt the patient, sense of humor I believe our Heavenly Father has - it was at that moment...   a laugh escaped my lips, as I contemplated my need to "hurry and learn patience"....

I saw my folly, and understood.  And I truely, at that moment, felt Heavenly Father smile upon me too-

I believe He laughed along with me.

"There is no way to go around life.  The only way is to go through.  How... could the Lord teach us patience without the dimension of time and without also providing for us the relevant experiences?"

-Neal A. Maxwell (Not My Will, But Thine   p.11)

 

 

A New Season...

Yep, I'm back.  I have debating within myself if I really was going to keep this blog going.  But if not any other reason, than it is one other thing I can do -instead of doing what I am suppose to be doing. 

Summer is over-and autumn is here!  I Love FALL!!  Which means ...Schools Back in.  I am experiencing for the first time life with all the kids in school all day.   I have been enjoying the time to really figure out what I want to do.  Some days the hours go by so fast, I don't get half of the things finished I had planned to while the kids are at school.  But then there are those days that the minutes seem to drag on and it seems forever before the clock will tell me its 3:30, and my home will be filled with the level of commotion that I am use to.  It has definitely reinforced to me that I am moving on to the next stage of being a mother.  No more little ones at home.  No more cribs, no more diapers, no more tantrums in the middle of Walmart... but no more rocking to sleep, no more midday naps together, no more tugging on the legs because they want to be held.  I don't feel sad, just a definite feeling that a season in my life has ended and a new one begun.  I am excited to be here, I am excited to watch them grow up.  I am excited to help them discover their talents, their passions, and to help them grow through a more independent time in their life. 

And I'm off!!!

to see the big apple.  I lived in New jersey for a couple years as a girl (around 7th-8th grade I believe)  and went to the city a few times.  I remember the smell, the street cart pretzels and hotdogs... and remember thinking everyone and everything moved at an incredible pace.  I LOVED IT.  still do, and I am so excited to get to go this weekend.  Nate, never being out east before is in for a treat.  I think if I was still young and reckless, I would love to live in that city.

... oh and you haven't truely eaten pizza until you have eaten New York pizza. 

just fyi

Be back Monday!

i am in pain

So When I was in highschool I took a snowboarding class -once.  I have skiied since I was in 5th grade, and I manage myself quite well on skis.  But tonight we went to Park City Resort, and took Lauren and Carter just for some night skiing (3:30-7:30)  They each had taken a snowboarding lesson, and learned pretty fast, so Nate & I thought we would just take them to refresh their skills, and do no lessons this time, since it was only for a couple of hours.  Well the kids did great!  Nate & I thought since we would be with the kids the whole time, skiing might not be as fun, since we would be having to stay at the kids speed. So we decided to try snowboarding too.  Ugh.  Let's just say he and the kids went down the hill twice in the time I did once.  Holy crap  I am in so much pain.  This 30something body, does not work like my 16 year old body did.  I beat it up tonight, and it is paying me back.  Big time.  If I can move in the morning it will be a miracle.  I have decided snowboarding is something you learn to do when you are young, or you don't do it.  Maybe, I will join in Carters class next time. 

Not ME:

 

ME:

Word of the Year ~2009

I have never really been one to set New Years Resolutions.  I forget, or change my mind, of feel a little overwhelmed at all the goals, and the lack of progress I am making.  So when I saw this idea posted somewhere in blogland, I really liked it, and thought I would do it this year.  The idea is that you select one word that you can focus on, meditate on and reflect upon for the whole year.

So I thought about it for a couple of days, going from one word to the next and decided on this word:

 

I love the definition "moving forward toward completeness or perfection"   I think over this past year I have come to gain a greater desire to do this.  To be better, to become the person who I know I can one day be ~essentially doing good, being good, and becoming better.

"We will not attain a state of perfection in this life, but we can and should press forward with faith in Christ along the strait and narrow path and make steady progress toward our eternal destiny. The Lord’s pattern for spiritual development is “line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little” (2 Nephi 28:30). Small, steady, incremental spiritual improvements are the steps the Lord would have us take. Preparing to walk guiltless before God is one of the primary purposes of mortality and the pursuit of a lifetime."(Elder David A. Bednar, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)

I think at the end of 2009, if I am a better person than in now, January 2009, I will feel successful in my life.  I hope to progress in my life as a daughter of God, mother, wife, daughter, sister,  friend, and in this way become a little more like my Savior.

"the phone call"

Don't you hate it when....people seem to just fall of the earth, and stop writing in their blogs! I had a good streak going, but now I have some making up to do. 

november was busy!  I was determined this year to have all my christmas shopping finished before Thanksgiving.  (as I have tried to do for the past 5 years)  but this year I actually pulled it off!  I love have december to enjoy, and really think about what this season is really about.  I love being able to concentrate on the Savior, and his birth & life.  I am really trying hard to get my children to grow up with the real meaning of Christmas as a main focus of the season. 

Well, Thanksgiving was a blast, we had it has my parents house with my family, grandparents, aunt, cousins.  It was fun. We missed seeing the Shirley fam this year, but can't wait to spend Christmas with them.

December has been full of surprises- already.  We had an unexpected stay at primary children's hospital, about two weeks ago with Carter.  Everything is fine, just an unexpected little glich in life.  But he is completely fine.  As I was driving home with him, I had the most unexpected phone call of my life.  We had stopped to eat lunch at McDonalds on way home, and I get a phone call with the secretary for the Young Women General Presidency, asking if I had some time to talk to them.  So here I have sitting in my car in the parking lot of McD's  talking to all three of the Young Women General Presidency.  Me.  To say the least I was in shock, When I get nervous, I talk fast, so I'm sure I must of sounded like I was speed talking.  But to make a long story short, they loved the artwork I made with the Young Women values, and wanted to talk to me, and to ask me to create a painting for the new value "Virtue"  they would be announcing that is being added to the Young Women's Theme.  Not sure I remember much of that conversation.  I just remember sitting in the car thinking "this doesn't happen....is this really happening?"  The conversation ended with them saying they wanted to come visit some time to meet me.  I told them obviously- they were welcome anytime.  (Not thinking they really would!)  So Sunday we get to church and I notice Sis. Dibb, the second counselor in the presidency in our Sacrament Meeting.  Um... what can I say, I was completely outside my element.  Me, who hates being the center of attention, me, who loves being a quiet observer from the back, was now front and center, with everyone asking why she was her to meet me.  Wow.  All I can say is it was an experience I will never forget.  One that taught me many things.  And as I was driving home from church in Sis. Dibbs car, (She came to my home after to see some other artwork I had done, and to talk for a minute)  She was talking about an experience her dad had when he was younger (Her dad is President Monson....yes the prophet)... and I sat thinking.... that sometimes... our prayers are answered in very unexpected ways.

78 Things about ME

Following (Jennah & Elise's) suit, I too thought I would come up with a ridiculously long list about myself. ((Feel free to jump over this post.))

1. i LOVE fall {autumn}  It is my favorite season by far. 
2. i love wearing sweaters & coats
3. i love taking walks in cool, crisp air
4.  ...while drinking hot chocolate (hence #1)
5.  I wish I took the time to do that more often
6. i hate winter... I don't like being so cold you can't stay warm.. I know its a fine line... i'm picky
7. i can't believe i'm old enough to have an almost 11 year old daughter.
8. i was so shy as a youth, I had people tell me I was too "stuck up" to talk to them...
9. i still sometimes have to consciously try to talk to people, and not look down as I walk in public.
10. i admire out going people
11. i have never been very athletic and love that my daughter is
12. i love milkshakes... but don't like eating icecream in a bowl that much
13. i love to read.  I read most books at least twice.
14. the first time i just read it, the second, i highlight, underline, & mark favorite parts, write notes & thoughts in margins... the books i love are all written in and marked up
15. i started a journal a year ago as a goal, and have written in it almost every day since.
16. i learned i forget A LOT, and i'm so glad I am writing it down now
17. i wish i kept a journal when my kids were younger.
18. growing up i had a lot of friends, but never a best friend
19. i met my first best friend when i moved into this house
20. my oldest daughter is EXACTLY like me.  (my mom got her wish, I got a daughter just like me)
21. I worry about that sometimes
22. growing up I played the piano extremely well
23. i wished i never stopped playing.  its hard for me to see how much i've regressed
24. i always laughed at all the stigma of turning thirty-until i had to turn thirty. it was really hard for me!
25. each of our children had something medically wrong with them at birth
26. only one has some minor effects from it now
27. i do not like to cook, or bake... i hate making a mess in the kitchen
28.  i have to do the dishes, and clean the kitchen, before i bake anything
29. i dont like talking on the phone
30. but i do like to text
31. i love my grandma's cooking, i wished i cooked more like her
32. i secretly want to be Martha Stewart
33. i realize this is just an insane thought, and do not act upon it
34. i love having my own studio above the garage. 
35. i often go there when i just need to be alone, and think
36. i spend too much money on my kids clothes
37. i usually buy me clothes, and return them later because i feel guilty spending money on myself
38. i am jealous of all my skinny sister-in-laws- even after they have babies!
39. i recently lost a lot of weight, but don't see myself any thinner when i look in the mirror
40. i don't like driving my husbands convertible very much...
41. i feel like everybody looks at you and it makes me uncomfortable
42. this is actually very therapeutic for me...lol!
43. i still bite my nails.  i hate that i do
44. i love my hair, I am afraid of getting old and having to cut it short!
45. i love that my husband plays with our kids alot.
46. i love that my kids are still thrilled when he gets home from work- even our 11 yr old
47. i am still trying (though very unsuccessfully) to have scripture reading everynite with the family
48. i never read the Book of Mormon completely...all the way through -until last year. 
49. i read it morning and night, just about every day since I started. 
50. i love wearing pajamas. 
51. i love days when i don't have to go anywhere, and i can just stay in them all day!!
52. i have more pairs of pajama bottoms than i do regular pants
53. i eat more chocolate then vegetables
54. i eat more chocolate then fruits
55. i don't plan on changing that (well maybe I should??)
56. i love when my husband goes out of town- only because the kids and i can have cereal for dinner
57. i love to stay up really late at night when every one is asleep, and enjoy the quiet
58. i am NOT a morning person
59. i really don't like that I have to get up in the mornings to get my kids to school
60. i love sleeping in
61. i can't sleep without a blanket on top of me
62. i straighten the sheets and blankets on my bed every night before i get in bed. i can't sleep with out the blankets straight, and tucked in at my feet.
63. my husband can't sleep with the blankets tucked in, and doesn't care if they are all messy
64. this annoys me
65. i love wearing flipflops..they are my shoe of choice and the snow really does not make that very easy in the winter!
66. i wish i was more healthy- i am working on this right now
67. i worry about what my health will be when i am old
68. i worry about the health issues i have right now
69. i didn't believe there were this many things about me, when i started this
70. i have an unshakable faith that Heavenly Father knows me and loves me
71. i believe the trials we go through in life all are suppose to teach us something-
72. i am learning amazing things through mine.
73. i love my church calling -working with the young women- but feel very others could do so much better
74. i gained a love to travel from my parents. we went on vacation together as a family alot
75. ive been to almost all 50 states
76. i moved almost every 2-3 years growing up- almost my entire life starting when i was 6 until i got married.  i loved it when i was young. 
77. every 3 years i still feel like i need to move, or make a big change.
78. the last time it happened we finished our basement instead of moving

Seriously more than you ever wanted to know.. but it was fun doing it!  It makes you think of things you haven't thought of about yourself in a while.  everyone that reads this i want to see yours too... paste a link in my comments section so I can read yours!

If I was 16 again....

i would have a posters of Matt Nathanson wall papering my room.  I discovered his music about a year and a half ago, before he was being played on the radio.  and people would say "matt who..."   I love discovering great unknown artists, and watching them become known.  I am so "Freakin" excited I am going to see him in concert in a few weeks when he comes to salt lake.  I feel like a silly teenager that is obessed with a band.  Im not obsessed... but if I was 16 again, I would be. (he's a cutie too)  I feel too old to be this excited about a concert!... hahaha... thirty something mom... jeez, act your age.  And I am dragging Lizz along with me.  (I'll convert her, just you wait.)

here's one of the songs I love.  they are playing it on the radio lately.  I love his new cd, Some Mad Hope.  If you check it out... some other greats are: Gone, I Saw, All We Are, ...um and others, but I can't think of the names right now.